my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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