i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
