Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
