porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
