I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
