We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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