We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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