i don't like sucking hair
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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