Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
