What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
