my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
