If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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