Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize