my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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