I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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