is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
