what day is it and did you see me today?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
