so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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