First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
