before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
