I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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