got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
