you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
