you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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