Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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