If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
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The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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