No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
