Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
