I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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