We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
