I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
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I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize