Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
