I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
me + whiskey = a bad person
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
