i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
