Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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