Hey man sorry I got all grabby
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
