can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just made my gag reflex go away.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
