I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
