I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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