you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
