life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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