I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
