her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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