ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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