dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
