I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found your dick twin last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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