Got a toothbrush?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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