He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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