no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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