Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
