My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
