I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
