I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
