wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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