i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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