She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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