I just cut my nipple shaving
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
