I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
