Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
