i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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