I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize