marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
