Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
