cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
