bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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