How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
