she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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