pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
